Breaking Shame and Performance

I spent my whole life performing and feeling the pressure of being a "miracle child."

• I felt like I needed to save everyone. 
• We all have in our minds what a perfect Christian is in our minds. - and when we compare ourselves to this made-up person we destroy ourselves. 
• The image I have of who I'm supposed to be is a vain imagination exalting itself above who He is. 

GOD SAID, 'ABI YOU WERE BORN TO BE LOVED AND TO LOVE.'

• I can't fail at being loved by God and loving people.
• If I can connect to his love in my failure, I can never fail. 
• What you sow in self-hatred you will reap in self-hatred.
• John 15 - He is the vine, and we are the branches, we have to remain in him to bare fruit.
• 1 John 4:16 and so we KNOW and RELY on the LOVE God has, God's love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides continually in him

There's a lie in Christianity that if you beat yourself up enough that is penance to God. 

• You have to step out of the very nature of God to hate yourself. 
• If you let his love in it will change you more.

Genesis And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees of the garden, 3 except the fruit from the tree which is in the middle of the garden. God said, 'You shall not eat from it nor touch it, otherwise you will die.'" 4 But the serpent said to the woman, "You certainly will not die! 5 For God knows that on the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened [that is, you will have greater awareness], and you will be like God, knowing [the difference between] good and evil." 6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was delightful to look at, and a tree to be desired in order to make one wise and insightful, she took some of its fruit and ate it; and she also gave some to her husband [c]with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of the two of them were opened [that is, their awareness increased], and they knew that they were naked; and they fastened fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. 8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool [afternoon breeze] of the day, so the man and his wife hid and kept themselves hidden from the [d]presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to Adam, and said to him, "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard the sound of You [walking] in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." 11 God said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten [fruit] from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?"

• They eat from the tree and realize they are naked. They became able to judge themselves. It was God's intent that we would never know any separation from love. 
• As soon as they realized they were naked, they figured out their own way to hide instead of bringing it to God. (This is where performance comes in.)
• The snake tells them they will be like God if they eat the fruit. He says you aren't good enough, even though they were already like God. 
• The accusers' whole plan is to tell us we aren't enough, and we need to fix it apart from God. 
• Shame makes you believe that there is something wrong with you instead of that, you just did something wrong. 
• Shame wants to identify us

God set this up from the beginning to show us his plan for redemption.

• We think as soon as we sin God turns his back on us. But God actually pursues us in our sin. And he has been doing this since the beginning. The first consequence he gives is his plan for redemption for all humanity.
• If God responded to Eve with a plan for redemption, then what could you do that would be beyond God's love and grace?
• We think that God will remove his love for us if we don't have a plan to make our wrongs right. 
• It's always been about getting love to you. 
• Shame wants to keep us hidden, but God wants to pull us out.

If you confess the little things, you won't get to the big stuff. When you own your story, it free's you from shame. Posture your heart that you'll never say "no" to love.